You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
