She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Boobs speak an international language.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
