I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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