And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
3 2 1 whiskey
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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