is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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