It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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