somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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