i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
