I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
