i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
