Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize