My pussy is not your playground.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley