"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
