but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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