Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
