what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
