Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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