she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
how drunk are you?
Several
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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