I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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