He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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