i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
