She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
