party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
