I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
