Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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