Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
