she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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