ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
