I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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