I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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