a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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