You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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