People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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