josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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