Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We had sex on a dog bed..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
God, I missed his penis.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
