why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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