I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
