my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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