To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
