one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
