Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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