Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
