do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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