If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
