he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
