she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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