we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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