4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
