She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
