Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so let's talk penis.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
