im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
