I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
