How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
