My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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