and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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