How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
