I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
