I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
