wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
