Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
