Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
