i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
