Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
