did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
