Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
