The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What did we do last night that was yellow?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
