What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
