I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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