The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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