a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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