i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
