Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
