Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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