i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
