dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
