PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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