How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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