suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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