Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
