Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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