I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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