Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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